So I got hit with feeling jealousy over something I didn’t expect this week. As some of you may have read in an earlier post, Mr. CrankyPants brought home the sick this past week. It’s a wicked cold/flu that really doesn’t want to let up.
Mr. CrankyPants while still coughing and not 100%, is feeling better and back to work. I’m still pretty sick with it. Apparently it hangs on a long time. There are a few people at Mr. CrankyPants’ work that are going into their second week with it.
Don’t worry I’ll bring this around to my title.
I have to gage the norm with this from how long everyone else is sick because of my lupus an rheumatoid. You know, I couldn’t even fully tell when I was first getting sick with this because I never feel well and I always have fatigue. The only way I had a clue was that I was losing my voice and my throat felt funny, which technically could be the disease as well.
Anyway, where I’ve felt the jealousy is that Mr. CrankyPants will get better and move on. Although I will hopefully recover from this flu, I will never fully get better again. My illness will only progress. There in lies the jealousy.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish illness on Mr. CrankyPants and I want to see him recover. It breaks my heart to watch him suffer, but it’s a harsh reality that I will only get sicker when all I want is to recover and move on.
I didn’t expect a flu to slam me with that emotion and the heartache that is attached. Autoimmune disease. The crappy gift that keeps on giving.
Have any of you ever felt that way?
Northern Lights & Moonlit Skies,