Two days ago my mother collapsed. Today (Feb. 17/2019) we were told my mother is brain dead. She’s on life support in ICU fading away.
On Wed. three days from now, I’m flying home for the first time in years to support my sister through this. I’ve been estranged from my parents do to abuse, but it’s time to go home get closure, say goodbye and be with my sister and nephews.
It’s weird when a parent dies that has been abusive how you feel. I’ve been surprised in some ways by the grief but it’s different then if you have a good family. It hurts that there will never be a chance for things to be better now, that I expected to feel. It hurts that she’s almost gone. That I didn’t expect to feel. I’ve been wanting them gone for many years.
No matter what they’ve done to you or how bad it was (and it was bad) they’re still your parents and you still love them.
It’s a very very difficult decision to make to cut them out of ones life but it had to be made. So I’m going home to deal with all this. My abusive father is still alive but not well either and now weirdly broken as his slave is leaving him.
My parents told my sister not to tell me she was ill. This was back in Dec. so while they’ve all had time to process this to some degree I was shocked with it two days ago. That’s been painful too. They did this last time my mother came very close to death too. Both times I didn’t hear about it until she was on life support and not expected to survive.
At least she’s at peace now never to be abused or abuse again.
So I feel like going home, is going into the dragon’s den but at least I will never again have to listen to or see my father abuse my mother. He will try to abuse us but I won’t have it.
As far as my health I haven’t been well before this happened. The pain is bad, my kidneys are still causing trouble and my stomach is bad but I guess it’s par for the course with autoimmune disease.
Grief on every level. Just grief.
I’m so tired.
Sunshine & Rainbows,